is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
