I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
