Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
