Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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