I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
