I swear she didn't look like that last week.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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