it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
