these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She bit a glass in half.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
