Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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