For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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