im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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