Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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