I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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