Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
