Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
