I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
