Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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