so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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