So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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