he thought i was a dude.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
