No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
