the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
