Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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