I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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