what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
