operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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