You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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