smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
