"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
