we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
