My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
