Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
