im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
well I can't set my house on fire every night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
