I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
