Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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