I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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