sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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