We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
