he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
