He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
