all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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