I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
