I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
