Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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