I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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