Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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