how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
