just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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