Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
