We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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