you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
