Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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