thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
