I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
